Rafiki?

The photo was a large file and I was excited to see my baby finally, the picture loaded so big I could only see a portion of it and it was a bit out of focus. as I moved the mouse down and the pictured started to reveal, I saw a little boy but thought it might be a neighbor friend one of the cousins had coming around.

The boy was fat and had very little light blond hair, fuzz really. It was Rafiki. My son, I didn't even recognize my own son.

I feel terrible for that .. the movies.. .. a mother always knows her child no matter how torn up they are. I feel guilt for not recognizing my own child

I was shocked. I couldn't believe the transformation in Rafiki in a months time. It was incredible. Dramatic As I looked in amazement I did notice that in all the pictures he was happy. He didn't look like he was suffering or not wanting to play, he was with his cousins on the trampoline which I guess his his favorite pastime at the moment.


I couldn't bear it. I was at my friend Adam's finishing up a project when the messages came through. I had been waiting of pictures, begging of them. I hadn't seen anything in a whole month, it was a visual drought. I think that was why I was so socked. I had not seen the gradual transformation. I still can not believe it is my little boy.

I have been working with his pictures, using them for the fundraising promotions using a beautiful shot of him in Lee Martinez park in the fall, waving to me as I came to them at the park after work one day and the light was just right. He waved to me and I caught, when you see the picture you feel he is waving right to you, waiving for your to come over and join him and play.

In one of the pictures he looks like an old man.
His hands are chubby and swollen, he literally has ballooned he looks like has gained 15 pounds.

This was one of the worse days since the first day and the day I left the to return to the States. I had lots of good advice, people telling me he is the same little boy, the chemo is working and it is only temporary. Which I all know and believe but when I look at that little person it is hard for me to even see a hint of my son. Even his eyes, his signature feature seem to have changed.

There is no way I could have prepared for this. Patrick told me he wasn't the same little boy but I had no idea. I am sure you will all agree.